My appearance in the
Tournament of Champions
Yes, despite having never appeared on any other iteration of Jeopardy! I managed to make it into the Tournament of Champions with the help of my cousin, a stagehand, who "forgot" that the winner of the Teen Tournament, a 16-year-old girl named Madison from Ridgewood, New Jersey (or was it Ridgewood, from Madison, New Jersey?) was not a bearded, 21-year-old, male college student. He saved his job by claiming confusion on the grounds that I, too, hail from the Garden State.
I suppose, given my wily subterfuge, that it served me right that I made it all the way to the finals only to lose to Rusty, a five-time champion during the regular season who had racked up over $100,000 in winnings despite being apparently unable to read or write. Had it not been for the Daily Double he found in the category, "Shiny Things," I might have had a shot at him, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Speaking of pastry, my other opponent, the College Tournament winner, Lynnette, a 65-year-old semi-retired receptionist who is now in her second year working on a degree in astrophysics from M.I.T., brought us some homemade cinnamon buns, and they were quite good. Or at least I thought so. Alex said his was the worst he'd ever had and spent a whole commercial break stomping on it over and over again after he spiked it to the floor. Poor Lynnette would have done better if she hadn't then proceeded to answer, "Who is Alex Trebek?" to every question in the "History's Greatest Monsters" category.